Her Tears

Dear Shawn,

The last time I had looked at her, she wasn’t crying. She seemed just as normal as any woman sitting on an airplane during taxi out for takeoff. This time, she was crying. If she was trying to hide it, she wasn’t doing a very good job. It wasn’t a huge cry. It wasn’t one of those with the shoulders shaking up and down and the sad, distorted face. There were tears streaming down her cheeks, a bit of a frown, her forehead marked with lines. She wasn’t looking at me, and when I thought she might, I averted my gaze to the right to look past her to the back of economy.

As the purser on the Airbus, my seat at door One Right inboard allows me to see nearly all of the cabin. This is a requirement, that a flight attendant be able to see 90% of the cabin from the jumpseat. This is why, even though I sit at the double jumpseat alone, unless they add a fourth flight attendant, which is rare, or we have someone sitting in the jumpseat as non-revenue employee, the purser always sits in the jumpseat furthest from the door, next to the aisle. It’s also why we ask that head rests be lowered.

In this seat, I have a perfect view of any passenger sitting in 7E. This is the first row of economy, on the aisle. And today, there was a woman seated there in a pink blouse. She appeared to be in her fifties and up until the point just prior to takeoff, she had appeared just as any other passenger. The only reason I wound up taking notice was when I looked up, I saw her with tears falling from wet eyes.

Instantly, I felt badly for her. With this job, I see people cry often- people saying goodbye, traveling to a funeral, tears of joy at a long-awaited reunion. I wanted to comfort her. I thought about offering her comfort or some kind words after we got in the air and it was safe for me to get up. I wondered why she was crying. Did she break up with someone? Was she thinking of doing so? Had someone she loved passed away? There are so many reasons to make one cry, but to do so in such a place as on an airplane...there must have been a real reason.

Her sadness made me feel more human. I know I have a lot of stress at times, but I am not alone. For a moment, I felt as if her tears represented my own. I felt as if her sadness reflected some of the sadness I feel in my own life. Maybe it was for this reason that I averted my eyes. That, and, I can be like a typical male, not wanting to deal with a woman in tears.

By the time our aircraft reached the heavens, she was composed and back to normal. The tears had dried and her face looked calm again. Surely, she hadn’t been crying due to a fear of flying. She certainly didn’t appear nervous or stressed. No, this was some grief that weighed on her to the breaking point of shedding tears, and as they usually do, seemed to work in helping her get past that point.

I never did say anything to her, but as we prepared to land and I stood at the front of the economy section to make sure things in the cabin appeared ready for landing, I glanced down at her as she glanced up at me, and I smiled. Her smile in return was a comfort. She and I will be just fine.