Monday, April 30, 2018

We Should Have Just Charged Them


Dear Shawn,

It must have been one of the most coolest things I’ve heard a captain say to passengers, “That’s what happens when you come on my airplane and act like children.” I asked the others in the galley if they had heard it, since most were talking among themselves. When I repeated it, their mouths went agape.

It started as we began to taxi in Houston for our takeoff to Rio. A man was seated in the last row of first class by the window. The flight attendant realized that he was not a first class passenger. The safety demo had just begun playing, and I was standing just behind him. He was instructed to get up, gather his things, and go to his seat in 31K. He sat there for a moment and started telling a story about his last flight. I moved in and used my stern voice, “Hi, I’m sorry, but we need you to move to your seat immediately, we’ve begun our taxi for takeoff, and this is not your seat.” Less chatty, more moving!

As he did this, the purser stopped the demo and after he returned to his seat, which he did by sort of stumbling, as it was apparent that he’d already enjoyed some adult libations in the airport bar. At least he was a friendly drunk, and had even apologized. There were now a few minutes of silence in the cabin as the purser informed the captain of what was going on, so the flight attendant in the next aisle and I exchanged comments on how unbelievable this was, and how it’s been years since we’ve seen this happen.

I noticed, as we did this, that the passenger in the middle seat, the last one of first class, the young man in tight blue shorts with his sandled feet up on the forward console of this seat pod, had ignored the whole situation. His blinders made the issue going on in the seat next to him of no interest to him. It seemed odd to me that he didn’t listen in or acknowledge what was going on, as most others would do. He was watching a movie, had his earphones on, and enjoyed a bourbon from pre-departure. Oblivious.

As it would turn out, he was doing this to not bring attention to the fact that he, too, was a coach passenger who gave himself an upgrade. In fact, the passengers in all three seats in the last row of first class had moved up. They were in cahoots. The first one, seeing open seats when he boarded, left 31K and took a seat at 10A. He then texted to his buddies, who had flown in from Austin, TX, that there were seats for them, too. Just before the door closed, when we were busiest, they moved in, and even asked for drinks. So much for your charm and good looks- they don’t always get you everywhere!

The biggest issue was that one man, after being found out and forced back to his seat in coach, came back to the first class seat in the middle of the flight. He placed the seat in the lie-flat position, and started to go to sleep. Needless to say, when we landed in Brazil, the authorities were waiting. However, because of this, no one was allowed to deplane until the Brazilian police had also arrived, so there was a delay of about 5 minutes before anyone was allowed to leave the plane, and this is when the captain came on the PA to apologize for the delay, and warned of the ramifications of acting like children on his plane. So, how was your day?

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